I feel that is the best way to put it… I’m searching. This year has been filled with ups and downs. I had friends bail on me, gained new friends, started a wonderful relationship and started my career. Overall I think 2012 is still in the win column.
However I’m still searching for Me. I’m working on my relationship with the Lord, though I know I am not giving it the attention it deserves. And I am still neglecting my relationship with myself and that needs a ton of work! I think it’s time to get serious and really focus on myself and my relationship with God.
Please pray for me while I begin this journey again… Pray that I may keep moving without giving up. Pray for me to be strong and have faith. I know it won’t be easy but it needs to be done.
Will someone lend a hand and help support me on this journey?
Day 1: Yesterday I was pretty well behaved with my diet. With it being Sunday I did not work out.
Day 2 is today! I have already started the day well with a healthy breakfast. In approximately 1 hour I will hit the gym with my wonderful boyfriend and try my best to push myself through a nice leg workout and a run!
Later today we will be going grocery shopping to stock up on healthy foods!
I’m excited to make this change for my body and for myself! No more excuses, I’m giving myself the life that I want.
Sorry for all the downer posts lately. Haven’t been in a very positive mood… I’m trying to fix that…
Yesterday my sister (who is dating my ex’s roommate) said that the whole crew dislikes his new gf. They say she starts drama and just overall they don’t like her. At first this broke my heart - reminding me that I could have stayed and things would be better… Then I rememberd… I shouldn’t have stayed.
I know it’s not good to wish bad things on people but at the same time I’m glad they’ve seen that I wasn’t a bad person. I’m glad that for all the mean things they did to try and break us up they are finally seeing that it was a bad idea. So I know I should be happy about their dislike of her but in a way I am…
I know I couldn’t keep compromising myself and I know I couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone that didn’t deserve to be with me but still… So my head and heart are at odds… what’s new?
I do have one question for people… How do I get over my trust issues? I get jealous very easily and I need any and all advice on how to get past this! Please and thank you!
Love starts by yourself. You more than anyone else deserve your love. Drop your inner critic and find ways to be kind and loving to yourself today. You don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. Start by finding 5 things you like about yourself. Start by being grateful of who you are and where you are.
Feeling really down this morning… I’m realizing I have very strong feelings for my best friend. Last night I told him we need to take a break from the physical relationship. I feel if it continues I’m setting myself up to get hurt.
Really focused on myself now. No more excuses. I still pray that things will work out with us but I just wish he’d stop being afraid that it won’t. I know I need to be more understanding and accepting of his feelings but it’s hard when I just wish I could make him see that things would work. I guess only time will tell.
Please send some positive thoughts and prayers my way… My heart is hurting :-/
Sorry for being AWOL for the past few days! Work has been busy and I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions. I wish I could get some advice — Hint hint :)
Thursday night I went out with my family to play trivia. It was enjoyable and I’m glad I went… but… my sister gave me back all my stuff from my ex’s house. She told me it was already packed up and everything. As soon as I got into my car with all the stuff I started bawling. I brought it all into my bedroom and broke down going through some of it. It was just a lot to handle see the end of my 3 year relationship. It was just painful.
That night I had a dream about my ex and at first I didn’t mind the dream but then as I asked him why things had happened the way it had he couldn’t answer and it reminded me of all the confusion I have left over this situation. I’m trying to be as strong as I can but sometimes I just can’t hold it together. I wish I could reach out to him but I don’t even know who he is anymore. Moving on from this is going to be hard!
I spent my weekend in Chicago visiting my brother who is in the Navy and going through training about 45 minutes outside of Chicago. It had its ups and downs but definitly more ups than downs! It was nice to relax and enjoy time with my friends and family. Met some cool people and just really had a good time.
My confusion hits me full force when it comes to my best friend… this is where I need advice — Hint hint again! My friend is one of the nicest, sweetest, most thoughtful individual I know. He opens doors for ladies, he pays for everything, he walks me to my car every night and he has always been there when I needed him most. Well it’s been about a year since we realized we had feelings for each other. He would tell me if he wasn’t in a relationship he’d be trying to date me and that he liked me a lot and had strong feelings for me. This was all great to hear since at the time I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t treat me very well (see ex boyfriend from two paragraphs up).
My friend has been away from me for about 6 years and told me he’s been attracted to me for a long time. He’s spent the majority of our friendship in the army and we’ve only been able to see each other for a week at a time throughout the past several years. Shortly after he came back home for good his girlfriend broke up with him and a few short weeks later my boyfriend broke up with me. This left us both single for the first time in our friendship. I thought this would be a good thing as time healed our hearts… now I’m not so sure it matters.
I feel like we’ve crossed the line and are no longer in the “just friends” zone. However, we’re not near the dating zone either in theory. Hard to explain but we basically are physical and he still expresses that he has strong emotions for me but shows no sign of wanting to be in a relationship any time soon. I understand that it’s still very soon after our breakups and we both have valid reasons for why we do and don’t want to be together… but I feel like I need to pull back. I am terrified I’m going to get hurt and I KNOW that if I get hurt I could lose my best friend. The idea of him and another girl is heartbreaking, to have to see it day in and day out would kill me.
I just feel at this point in my life I need to protect myself. Joe crushed my heart and I know that it has not healed yet. I don’t want to go into another relationship with a broken heart, that’s setting it up to fail. However I don’t know how to pull back without still getting hurt. I don’t want to walk away from someone who could be my prince but I don’t want to stay with someone and find out he’s just another jerk in tin foil.
I’m sick of the mixed signals. To me it should be as simple as be with me or don’t.
I have a lot of those “Ah-Ha!” moments about myself. Then I feel great for about 3 minutes before my regular thoughts take me back down.
Recently I’ve had the “Ah-Ha!” moment about being jealous and not trusting others… Thinking to myself there is no reason to be jealous or to not trust… If someone is going to make a choice to be with someone else instead of me then it is their loss and they are not the one for me. If they are going to treat me as anything less than the way I desire to be treated they are once again losing out on getting to know the great person I am.
So my goal is to hold onto this thought and this feeling. I get jealous and have issues trusting my “Friend” when I think he may be talking to his Ex… but reallly what right do I have? If he chooses to get back with her it wasn’t meant to be. It just means someone else is out there looking for someone like me!
I have a lot of great things to offer this world and to offer someone in a relationship. I just can’t forget the awesome person I am. Yes, I hope that he opens his eyes to the opportunity right in front of him but I can’t force that. I don’t want to feel stupid or unwanted so I shouldn’t put myself in the position to feel these things.
I deserve the man of my dreams because I know how good I’d be to him. In the case of my “Friend” I know he could be everything I’ve ever dreamed of… However, I can’t make him that person. I can’t make him ready to move on from his ex and give us a shot. So I need to stop making my heart so exposed. I can keep my heart open to the idea of us, but I can’t let it be so raw and open that he can just break it without ever being in the position to break it.
I want to trust that his role as friend this past 6 years makes him want to protect me from pain. I would hope that he would not wish to hurt me. He says he won’t do it on purpose but he is human and I know he could still hurt me.
So I’m going to keep my heart open but also try to keep my feet grounded. I’m going to remember he’s human and is flawed. He could hurt me and that is a strong chance… I just need to protect my heart and hope for the best…
Time to start looking out for me and trusting myself. I need to love me more than I love anyone else.
“people will unknowingly carry around the baggage of bad behaviors — behaviors that hold them back from loving relationships, career growth, and general life happiness. They don’t realize they have infected themselves with habits that offend or even push people away.” …
“1. Guilt Tripping. The guilt tripper uses not-so-subtle strategies to let others know they aren’t happy about something.
New behavior: Learn to accept that not everything will go your way. Other people are entitled to make choices that you may not like. Ask for what you want, express your needs kindly, and accept disappointments graciously.
2. Holier Than Thou. “Holier than thou” behavior manifests as the need to be right all the time, the need to have the last word, the need to feel more important or intelligent than others.
New behavior: Recognize that humility combined with mature self-confidence is highly attractive. No one wants to feel “less than” or inferior, regardless of their background, income, or station in life. Every person has something valuable to contribute, so seek first to learn from others.
3. Temper Tantrums. Pouting, withdrawal, belligerence, and passive aggressive behaviors are all examples of an adult temper tantrum.
New behavior: Recognize anger and frustration when they arise and work to identify the source. Often it is much deeper than the issue at hand. Take a deep breath and talk calmly about the feelings under the anger. Step back from interactions until you can control your feelings and speak calmly.
4. Manipulation. Many of the behaviors listed involve manipulation, but a manipulator pro will take it to new levels. They will use intelligence, wit, charm, or other skills to get people conform to their will.
New behavior. This one is tricky because it involves a fairly sophisticated level of self-awareness. It begins by embracing an honest respect for those around you — acknowledging that most people have inner wisdom and should not be led down a path that isn’t right for them, even if they do so willingly at first.
5. Gossiping. This is one behavior that can easily become habitual. Having information about someone, especially salacious or negative information, feels powerful. But gossip creates so much hurt and erodes trust. It takes practice and commitment to throw water on the fire of gossip.
New behavior. Begin to view gossip for what it is — hurtful and unkind. Rather than engage in gossip, seek the good in the person or situation and be the arbiter of kindness and healing.
6. Jealousy. Jealousy can manifest in many of the behaviors listed, especially guilt tripping. It usually stems from feeling wounded, inferior, or insecure. Jealous behavior makes others feel uncomfortable and unnecessarily guilty or wrong. We all feel it from time to time, and it’s a call to examine and appreciate our own lives.
New behavior. When jealousy rears its ugly head, stop and take a moment to turn the feelings around. If you feel jealous of someone, take a moment to bless their bounty and to acknowledge your own. If you want to improve your circumstances, take action rather than feeding the jealousy or putting someone down.
7. Poor listening. The age of distraction has led to an erosion of good listening skills. We type on the computer and talk to our children without looking at them. We answer cell phones during an important conversation or meal. We text while socializing with real, live people. We look past the person we are speaking with to see if someone more important is nearby. We are disengaged from really hearing what others have to say to us.
New behavior: Start by removing distractions when you are speaking to someone. Turn off the cell phone or tv. Step away from the computer. Practice deep listening by making eye contact, reflecting back to the speaker what you heard, and acknowledging the feelings or ideas conveyed.
8. Bad manners.Is it just me or have manners gone with the wind? These very simple skills that most of us were taught as children are powerful relating tools. Saying please and thank you, not interrupting, assisting someone, making conversation, showing appreciation, having table manners, being on time — all of these reflect consideration for others and respect for one’s self.
New behavior: Most of us know what good manners are, but since society in general has become more and more relaxed about them, we might have forgotten to use them. Start by reminding yourself about good manners. Take notice of what you might be neglecting and make a conscious effort to implement the manners that are missing for you.”
So three months ago today I received a fortune cookie. The fortune said: “Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you”
So today is the day. I started the day by having to leave work and go to the dentist to find out I have an infection and my tooth is starting to decay and needs to have the filling replaced…. Hoping that’s not the good I had in store for me :)
However, tonight I do have the possibility to have a good thing happen. Going to just relax and let life happen. Hoping that this fortune cookie actually works today :)
I could always use the the theory of adding “in bed” to my fortune cookie… That might make it true ;) Just teasing!
As I left work yesterday I started to cry. When I walked out of a stupid shoe store I started to bawl! Sometimes I can’t just be strong. Sometimes I’m a little less than strong. Sometimes I’m going to fall and break and that’s okay. I can’t get mad at myself for having emotions. I can’t be mad that I care like crazy… it’s a good thing, just hurts sometimes.
I’m going to try to stop trying to control situations and just be. I’m going to let things happen as they may. I’m going to be open to new ideas, experiences, people and embrace life.
I’m going to be someone I’m proud of. I’m going to stop waiting around and start living life.
I need to get better, learn to trust again, learn to feel love for myself before I give it to others!
My head is a dangerious place right now. I feel like it’s a mine field. Everything makes my heart hurt more. God? Please protect my heart :( It’s being held together by threads so loose that a strong wind could make it fall apart again.
The thought of what happened with my ex makes me hurt and the thought about the guy I like now going back with his ex makes it hurt worse. I just don’t want to trust anyone. I’m losing faith in men. When will they be different? When will I find the one that only wants me?
Help me out here… I’ve been friends with a certain person for about 6 years now. We’ve been flirty and very close over those years. Recently we started flirting with the line of friendship…
Now he and I both just got out of serious relationships and I believe are still afraid of getting hurt and have strong feelings for our ex’s…
So with starting a relationship not yet a possibility my heart is confused. I’m not sure if I should let myself have feelings for him, risking getting hurt if he goes back with his ex. Or if I should protect myself for fear that it’s possible that nothing will happen with us.
I have a long way to go but I’m going to get there. I know the amazing things I have to offer another person be it in friendship or a relationship. Someone is going to be lucky enough to see that :)
After a few talks and some possible news I’m feeling a little better. I know that God has a plan, I just need to be patient to see it. My ex hasn’t changed and God needed me to see that… It’s a hard lesson to learn but the fact that some knowledge came out of it is good.
I know more about what I don’t want from a relationship and what I can and cannot handle in a relationship. Just need to be patient for the right person to sweep me off my feet :)
I’m going to be okay. Keep the thoughts prayers and messages coming! I appreciate them all!
So God is working hard to break me down. I’m hoping this means He’s planning to build me up better, stronger and happier…
Last night the guy I’ve started to have feelings for tells me he’s likely to be getting back with his ex…
This morning I find out my ex is with this girl that I thought was shady through our relationship…
Great timing right?
This has to mean that God is working on something better… right? I hate to believe all this pain is for nothing. I just need some sign that I’m worth it. I need to know that I am enough for myself and for someone else to one day love.
This is just too much for me to handle right now. I’m trying to see the bright side but all I see is the pain that it’s causing…
This isn’t how I imagined things… When will I find someone to love me?
Woke up and pushed myself to the gym! Glad I went because it felt great! After my shower I had some Special K Vanilla Almond! Yum!!! Then I packed my lunch and snacks :) Blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, hummus, triscits, a sandwich and a yogurt with granola!
Plans for after work are to clean and then yoga, reading and meditation! Then going to play trivia with the family :) Eating a salad for dinner before I go out so I’m not tempted to eat poorly at the bar! Not drinking tonight - just water :)
Very proud of my morning! Time to have a productive day :)
I’ve decided to raise my expectations - Not just in a relationship but in all aspects of my life. I’m going to expect better of those around me and especially of myself. I’m not keeping company with those who hold me back, don’t offer support and spread negativity.
I’m cleansing myself of the past, the negative and those that seek to bring me down.
September 1st marks a new month and another step in the right direction. I’ve made a lot of positive changes but now is the time to put a little extra effort and work behind my actions.
Setting goals, eating right, exercising, meditation, yoga, reading, writing, drawing and nothing but positive thoughts.
I’m going to treat myself the way I’ve always deserved. Like a queen!
I know it seems silly but Tumblr has been such a blessing for me during this break up. I am constantly reading encouraging messages and seeing beautifully inspiring pictures! It keeps me focused on myself and not making choices that are not good for me. It serves as a reminder of the beauty in the world and the joy that I am capable of having if I stop letting my thoughts cause so many issues.
I want to thank each of you for letting me know I’m not alone and that I can be happy! You don’t even know the impact you’ve had on my life, as silly as that may sound.
I don’t need a boyfriend to realize that I am loved and wanted. I am worthy in God’s eyes and I am enough :)